


Cold And Broken Rain

by TVBS



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Ghosts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:57:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4590408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TVBS/pseuds/TVBS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's raining when Ryan wakes up. And no one's in the office. And he doesn't remember what happened. Something happened, though, he knows it did. He just can't... remember.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place before the Achievement Hunters moved, so they're still in the same building as the rest of Rooster Teeth.

Something woke him up. Ryan frowned as his eyes twitched, mind groggily reaching for conscious thought. What was it? One hand came up to rub at his eyes, rolling over. Well, it wasn't a noise. Even now, he could hear nothing but machinery moving around him, the constant familiar sound of the air conditioner. He looked around, trying to place what had happened. Obviously, he had fallen asleep at work. Well, okay, one mystery solved. He had obviously gotten tired and laid down. But what had woken him? Something had. It wasn't one of those moments where his mind woke normally. But nothing was here. Not even a person.

Oh well. Maybe it was nothing. He still felt so tired, though.

Maybe a few more minutes.

As Ryan started to drift back into slumber, for a moment, he thought he could hear Michael's voice calling for him, slicing through the air in panic.

* * *

The next time Ryan woke up, it was with a snap. All of a sudden, no sleepiness remaining. His body had enough, and it was time to wake up. Fair enough. Ryan stretched and stood, looking around. "Hey. Guys?"

Strange. Usually, there weren't more than one person missing from the group. Maybe they were shooting something and Ryan had forgotten about it? No, he would have woken up if people had started leaving. Curious, he started prowling through the office, coming up with no one. Had they all gone home? But why hadn't anyone woken him up? Ryan shook his head, frowning. It made no sense. Why was no one here? He started to the door, ready to leave and go home when the sight and sound of heavy rain pulling him up short. Of course. And him without his umbrella. With a sigh, he patted down his pockets, frown deepening as he realized they were empty.

Somewhere, his keys, phone, and wallet had fallen out. Ryan started to trace his steps back, eyes sweeping back and forth to try and find the missing items. The keys were especially important, as he needed them to actually go anywhere. But no matter where he looked, he couldn't find them anywhere. Even as he found himself back at the Achievement Hunter office, staring down at the couch, he still couldn't find his stuff. Had someone stolen it? Ryan let out a long sigh, going through who would have lifted his stuff and where they would have hidden it. It was a depressingly long list.

Well, time to start looking. First thing, look around the Achievement Hunter office. Always suspect the assholes he worked with first. It wouldn't be beyond them. Ryan inspected the couch, everyone's desk, even crawled under Ray's former desk and searched. Nothing. He slowly branched out, searching the B team's office, and still coming up with nothing. Okay, Rooster Teeth didn't just shove all the assholes into Achievement Hunter. Ryan started down towards Burnie's office when he stopped, turning slightly. Did he hear-?

He didn't know what he heard, but it was some sign of life. Ryan went towards the noise, trying to place it. He knew what it was, but it just wasn't clicking right now. Whatever it was, it was coming from where Barbara sat. He had heard this noise before, though. He knew it. But whatever it was- Ryan shook his head. This was distracting him from wherever his stuff ended up. And it was possible Barbara had stolen it. Ryan leaned down to check her desk when he froze, hearing a soft sniffle right by his ear. He straightened suddenly, looking at the chair with wide eyes, his mind suddenly placing the noise he was hearing.

He was hearing _crying._

What the fuck.

Ryan slowly started to back away. Maybe it had just been a tape recorder left under Barbara's desk of someone crying (because she was a little shit like that), but he swore he had heard that sniffle right by his ear. Right where someone would have been sitting when he bent over to check her desk.

Something started to build in the back of his head, an unpleasant thought he didn't want to look at.

Time to check out Burnie's office, like he originally planned. Ryan went to make his way there before a loud slam filled the air. Before he could fully take in what had just happened, he found himself sprinting towards the noise, back in the Achievement Hunter office. Fear pressed against his lips, closed his throat, spurred his feet faster as he wrenched the door open, looking around for the source of the noise.

Nothing.

Ryan slowly ran a shaky hand through his hair. What was going on? He sat down heavily on the couch, mind working. No one was in the office, but he kept hearing things. Signs of life. But he should have heard people leave. And if anything, someone would have woken him up and told him to get out, go home. So what was going on?

A snippet of a memory tickled at him, the sound of Michael's voice. He couldn't quite remember what he said, but... the tone? Did he sound kind of... upset? Angry? Ryan rubbed his eyes, trying to remember. All he could remember is Michael's voice as he fell back asleep. It had been important. Very, very- very important.

Ryan's hands covered his mouth as he looked up, trying to put the pieces together. Something was going on. He felt like he should know what it was. But at the same time, he didn't want to think about it. He knew, in a way. And it wasn't something he wanted to know. Ryan closed his eyes, thinking about it. He was alone. It was raining outside. He was hearing weird things around the office. He didn't know where his things were, so he couldn't get into his car and drive away without breaking into it and hotwiring it (and he wasn't sure he could do that), and he couldn't call for a ride. Ryan opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling, as if gazing upon it would reveal the secret to this mystery.

But the ceiling remained silent, revealing nothing to him, and Ryan lowered his head to look at the desks, leaning forward and resting his arms on his thighs. He needed to examine that thought he kept ignoring. Ryan frowned, lacing his fingers together as he poked at the thought, trying to bring it to the fore. Something had happened. If he could just remember about Michael. That was the key, he knew it. If he could remember what Michael had said, he would know what was going on.

But he couldn't remember.

What was it?

Then-

Another loud slam, right by his head. Ryan scrambled off the couch, turning to look behind him. The dent in the wall made him freeze, spinning around.

Something was here.

Something had happened and now there was something here. Ryan spun around, trying to catch a glimpse of whatever it could be. It had tried to hit him, so he needed to find it. He needed to know- But there was nothing. He was alone, it was quiet, and he- he couldn't feel any adrenaline running through his veins at this. He could feel fear about it, but no physical reaction to it. It was as if-

What was it Michael had said? If Ryan knew, he could figure out what was going on. And he wanted to know, he just-

"What did you say, Michael?" he whispered, running a hand through his hair. "What's going on?"

* * *

He still couldn’t remember. Ryan had thought about it so long he had lost track of time, and he still couldn’t remember what Michael had said. And now he knew something was wrong, as the rain should have let up at some point, or someone should have come in. But neither had happened. Something about the rain stuck with him, making him uncomfortable. It was something he should have noticed. But he didn’t know what it was, not yet. Ryan found himself laying back down on the couch, unable to sleep but still trying to think. What was it?

Whatever it was, nothing else weird had happened. No more weird noises, no more loud sounds or sudden dents in the wall. But it still stuck with him. Something was wrong. Ryan grabbed one of the pillows and started to play with it, thinking. What was it?

Everything was tied together, and it all lead to what Michael had said, he knew it. Ryan closed his eyes, trying to remember. He had started to fall asleep. Michael had said something. What? He had... screamed it. Yes, that was it. Michael had screamed whatever he had said. In anger? Probably. But what it actually was made all the difference. Ryan opened his eyes, trying to figure it out. What was it?

Maybe a change in location would help. Ryan peeled himself off the couch, starting an aimless wander around the office. It was eerie, having no one around. The office should have been busy, people wandering around, things being done. Things being filmed. But now... nothing. Everything was silent, still. Ryan went to the kitchen, staring at the fridge for a moment before deciding he wasn’t hungry. His mind was too full to be hungry. He kept walking, eventually his feet taking him to the podcast stage. For a moment, Ryan stared at the couch, something starting to click.

Michael hadn’t screamed in anger. He had screamed it in distress.

Ryan’s hands caught into fists as he stared at the couch, his mind clicking that into place next to everything else. Something was keeping him from figuring it out. But he knew. He _knew._ Just- Ryan went to the door leading outside, looking out. It was still raining, as hard as ever.

But he could only hear it when he was close to the door.

And there were no puddles. How hadn’t he noticed that before?

Ryan made his way back to the Achievement Hunter office, his arms trembling as his mind tried not to put the facts together. It wanted to protect him, he knew it. If he knew, something bad would happen. Something terrible. If he knew that he-

That he _what?_

Ryan sat down heavily on the couch again, staring at his workstation. He had laid down. Michael had screamed-

Had screamed-

Ryan rubbed his head. He had screamed. Something had upset him, distressed him. Had made him say-

He still couldn’t remember.

Ryan laid down, closing his eyes. This is what he had done. He had laid down. Closed his eyes. Drifted off to sleep. And then-

His eyes snapped open.

Michael had tried to wake him up.

He hadn’t woken up on his own. When he woke up and saw no one the first time, that had been Michael trying to wake him up.

Michael had been screaming at him to wake up.

Ryan slowly sat up, his mind racing. Michael had been trying to make him wake up. He had heard someone crying, sounds of someone slamming a door and then punching a wall. No one was in the office. Despite all the hard rain, there were no puddles. It just kept him from going outside.

Kept him in.

Slowly, he looked around, feeling his mind try one last time to keep him from remembering. But it was too late. Michael’s voice filled his mind, scared and panicked. He could almost feel the younger man shaking him, trying to wake him up.

And he could remember what he had said.

_”Fucking open your eyes, Ryan! Don’t you dare- don’t you even fucking dare! Wake up! Wake-”_

Ryan closed his eyes. He knew.

”I’m dead.”

* * *

It was as if saying those words made him aware of what was happening. Once Ryan opened his eyes, he could see Geoff enter the room, going to his workstation. Jack and Gavin were already at theirs, and he could see Michael studiously working away, one hand wrapped in bandages. Ryan looked over at the wall, then at Michael, frowning. “Michael, what did you do?”

Of course, Michael didn’t answer. He was dead. Michael couldn’t hear him now.

Christ. He was _dead_. What had happened? All he had done was lay down for a nap. Was it a heart attack? An aneurysm? What had happened?

... did it matter? He was dead, at work. He had died on this couch, and Michael had to find that out. Ryan slowly stood up, going over to Michael. Now that he knew, he could hear signs of life around the building, people milling around, talking. But Michael... he just sat there, staring at his computer screen, blocking everyone else out. Keeping to himself. How long had it been since he had died and he had figured it out? Long enough that everyone came back to work. But... Ryan reached out, gently taking Michael’s shoulder and feeling a sinking feeling in his chest as Michael did not respond.

”I’m sorry,” he said softly, squeezing his shoulder. “I didn’t mean to.”

Nothing. Ryan slowly let go of Michael’s shoulder, stepping away. It had already been a hard year, with everything that had happened. Adding on top his death... Ryan looking around, noticing how quiet Gavin was, how little Geoff talked, how much Jack left. No one could take it.

And Ryan couldn’t leave. Well, he could leave the Achievement Hunter office, but he would just be out with the rest of Rooster Teeth, and that wouldn’t be much better. No, he couldn’t leave the building at all. To him, it was just raining outside, but... somehow, he knew, he couldn’t leave at all.

He went back to the couch, laying back down on it. No one had wanted to lay down, which kept things from being awkward, but so far, no one could give the couch up. It was as if they could see him laying there, one last bit of Ryan still in the office. His desk had been cleaned off, so nothing else of him remained. Nothing, but where he had died and his remaining ghost.

Ghost. What was he going to do? He couldn’t haunt his coworkers.

* * *

”Michael. _Mi_ cheal.” Ryan turned his head to watch Gavin try to catch Michael’s attention. The worst part about being a ghost was he had no idea how much time had passed. Some time, he knew that. Michael’s hand wasn’t bandaged anymore. But he had lost some time. Christ. “Michael, it’s time to eat.”

”Let me finish this up.” Ryan slowly sat up at the flat tone in Michael’s voice. It wasn’t an annoyed tone. Just... flat. Not emotionless, but close to it.

Gavin gnawed on his lips slightly, a worried shadow crossing his face before he stood up. “It’ll still be here when we get back, yeah? Come on, boi. We need to eat something. You haven’t had Torchy’s in a month.”

So at least a month had passed. Michael waved him off, eyes still on his screen. “I’m almost done. You go eat. I’ll get something later.”

Ryan could see Gavin open his mouth one last time to argue, then a defeated look cross his face as he turned to leave. That didn’t look like the first time they had that argument. In fact... Ryan got up and went over to look at Michael, a soft exclamation escaping his lips. Michael looked _terrible_ , pale and gaunt. If he was eating regularly, Ryan would be surprised. Guilt hit him hard as he bent beside Michael, looking at him. “I didn’t mean to die,” he told him softly. “And I didn’t mean for you to be the one to find out. Michael, don’t- go eat something.”

Michael scrubbed his face with his arm suddenly, inhaling sharply. Ryan came closer in alarm, wanting to help, wanting to hold him when he heard Michael’s breath running past his lips raggedly. His arm lowered, revealing how blotchy his face had become with the suppressed tears. But he continued working, taking deep breaths as a few tears escaped his lashes. Ryan reached out, trying to wipe away the tears, but even as his fingers swiped he could see they did nothing.

”I’m sorry, Michael,” he whispered, still trying to wipe away his tears.

* * *

The lights started to dim. Ryan sat up from his usual spot on the couch and looked over at Michael’s workstation, snorting out a laugh as he saw the usual two Five Nights at Freddy’s suspects getting ready for the newest installment. Gavin bounced in his seat a little as they got ready, the normal mix of giddy and nervous. “Oh, let me take a picture first,” he suddenly said, phone in his hand. “Moment before we get the new crap scared out of us, yeah?” Gavin turned towards Michael, taking a picture of him before tapping on the screen to turn the front facing camera on, taking a selfie of his own comically worried face. The phone locked and was dropped onto the table as they started up the game.

As usual, they were screaming like children within the first two minutes.

It was amazing how effective Five Nights at Freddy’s was.

But more time had passed, and Michael sounded a little better. He wasn’t as flat. His voice had more emotion, more life in it. Ryan smiled as he listened to the two of them be scared at the game, feeling better that Michael seemed to be healing, seemed to be moving on.

Somehow, though, Ryan couldn’t. He still lost time, still saw the driving rain when he went to go outside, still _could not leave._ Which was bullshit. He didn’t want to stay here and haunt his coworkers. He wanted to- to move on, go to wherever his soul would go next. Heaven, hopefully. But no, he was here, watching his two youngest coworkers get the shit scared out of them and chuckling over it.

Which he was pretty certain he wasn’t supposed to be doing.

Ryan turned to lay back on the couch. He spent a lot of his afterlife _laying_ on the couch. But it just... felt right. Then again, he _had_ died like this. Maybe it felt right because of that. He didn’t really want to think about that very hard. Closing his eyes, he waited for the next time jump, wondering what it would bring.

In the meantime, he would listen to Michael and Gavin ramble on about Five Nights at Freddy’s, punctuated by random screams when Michael died.

* * *

” _YOU FUCK!_ ”

Ah, Michael’s dulcet tones. Ryan opened his eyes, ready for the events that had unfolded during the latest time skip. He looked over, wondering what Michael was playing for Rage Quit when he suddenly startled upright at the sight of Michael snatching Gavin’s phone out of his hands.

”Do you fucking think this is funny?” he roared at Gavin, who started to cower. “Do you? Look at this, you fuck! Do you fucking think this is funny?” He shoved the phone under Gavin’s nose, then chucked it at the wall. “Don’t you ever fucking do that again. I don’t- you fucking asshole!”

”Michael, I didn’t-”

”Ryan is dead, you fucking asshole!” Hey, whoa, what? What did Gavin do? “Doing- it’s not fucking funny!”

”But I didn’t do anything!” Gavin whined, going to pick up his phone. Ryan pulled himself off the couch as he did so, frowning as he saw the cracked screen. “Michael, you cracked my bloody phone!”

”Good!”

But that wasn’t what made Ryan frown. It was the picture, the comically worried face Gavin had made.

And Ryan behind him, on the couch.

* * *

It wasn’t the last time.

After one time skip, he heard Lindsay’s startled voice cry out. When everyone went to investigate, Ryan saw a live action segment they had filmed during the last time skip that he had accidentally been caught in. She had stopped right as the camera focused on Michael.

And right behind him was Ryan, laughing at their antics.

* * *

”I’m not staying in an office that’s bloody haunted!”

”It’s not haunted!” Geoff insisted. “Or, anyway, it’s just Ryan! Come on, don’t be a baby.”

Gavin shook his head, already backing out the door as Ryan opened his eyes. Well, they figured it out. Though, he wondered how long it took. It had been another time skip, and Ryan could never judge how long were. He watched with some amusement as Gavin left, Geoff following him. Gavin was being a baby. Ryan wasn’t going to hurt him, or even scare him. He didn’t know how, and he didn’t want to.

There was still someone in the office, however. Jack had left, but... Michael remained. He looked around as if he could catch sight of Ryan, his phone in his hands. “So uh...” he started, lifting his phone up, tapping the screen. “Take ten. Gavin’s still being a bitch, so uh... if you’re here, Ryan, you could tell that.” He laughed nervously, slowly panning around the room. “All those pictures and videos taken and nothing. You’d think he wouldn’t be so nervous, but hey. Fucker’s a baby.” The phone paused a little on the couch as Michael swallowed, the next words coming out in a waver. “We miss you, Ry.”

”Goddamn it, Michael, don’t cry,” Ryan blurted out, starting to go to him as the phone panned away, then he tapped again, ending the recording. “I’m here this time. Don’t cry, damn it.”

Michael looked down at the phone in his hands, taking a deep breath. “I miss you,” he whispered. Slowly, his finger reached out, hovering...

Then he locked the phone, shoving it into his pocket.

* * *

”Take fifteen.”

”Michael, put that away.”

Ryan looked over at Michael and Geoff’s voices. As it was before the last time skip, Michael had his phone out, sweeping over the office. Only this time, everyone was here. Gavin and Jack looked at him as Michael ended the recording, nodding. “Sorry. I just... wondered if he was here this time.”

”Ryan’s dead, Michael,” Jack told him gently. “He’s not here.”

Michael looked like he was about to say something, but he just locked his phone instead, nodding.

* * *

”Take thirty-two.” Ryan sat up at Michael’s hushed voice, surprised at the darkness of the office. “Probably my last one, since... yeah, you’ve probably moved on. But I just... had to say this, you know? And I couldn’t say it while you were alive, or while anyone else was around.” Ryan looked over at Michael’s desk, seeing him seated there with the phone in his hands, slowly panning back and forth. “So, you know I was dating Lindsay for a while, right? And then I wasn’t, right?”

That had been one of the biggest questions of the office. Michael and Lindsay had seemed so perfect for each other. There had even been a pool going on as to when they would get married. And then... they broke up. No one knew why. Not Geoff, not Gavin... no one. They had still gotten along, but they weren’t dating. “Yeah. I know.”

Michael paused, his phone pointed at Ryan’s desk. “I loved her a lot. But I wasn’t... in love with her. I realized it one day and it sucked. I thought she would hate me for it. But... she didn’t. She kind of felt the same way. She loved me a lot but we just... yeah, weren’t meant to be in love.”

”I’m sorry, Michael,” he said softly, wishing he could be heard.

”It’s not a bad thing! I mean... yeah.” Michael ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. “I haven’t told anyone that.” He laughed a little, slumping in his chair. “Like I didn’t tell anyone I’m into dudes.”

Ryan blinked at the sudden confession. Now, what Michael was telling him, was very heavy. Only he would know this, and... he was dead.

”Fuck, I’ve never said it aloud. I like guys. I’ve wondered what it would be like to kiss Geoff or Gavin. But fuck, not really, because I wouldn’t... because I always wondered first what it would have been like to kiss you.” The words came out in a rush, as if pressured. “Damn it, Ryan. Why did you have to die like that? I... never even had the chance to fucking ask you, and you- you just went and keeled over!”

Slowly, Ryan came over to Michael. “I never knew.”

Before he could finish speaking, Michael continued on. “You left us all alone like this. And now you’re haunting us all and I still can’t- this is the only thing I can do! I can only tell you I’ve had a huge crush on you and that’s all I can do!” His teeth grit for a moment before he took a deep breath. “But... you’re not here anymore, are you. I’m just confessing my big gay feelings about a dead coworker to an empty office after hours.” Michael panned back to the couch, taking a deep breath. “So. I guess what I’m trying to say is I had a crush on you. And you’d say it’s time to move on, right? It’s been months. Pretty pathetic to hold a flame that long for someone that’s dead. So... it’s okay to go now?”

Ryan cupped Michael’s face, his thumb stroking his cheek. Then, gently, he leaned in and kissed him. “I’m sorry.”

The only response to that was Michael turning off the recording. “I don’t think I can make it home,” he mumbled, going over to the couch. “I’m just going to... pass out on the couch here. And cry myself to sleep.”

”Don’t do that,” Ryan murmured, sitting down on the couch as Michael stretched out. “I didn’t know but... I would have said yes.” His hand reached out to touch Michael’s curls, trying to stroke them as the younger man fell asleep. “I’m sorry.”

Maybe... he’d sleep next to Michael. For once, he was tired again. Just a little nap... it was okay now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've dealt with a lot of loss this year. Monty's the obvious one, but my grandmother-in-law also died this year, and my mother-in-law has recently been given a prognosis of days left. I'm dealing with this the only way I know how: Bury myself in projects and write until my fingers bleed and write things immensely personal to me.
> 
> This is Michael's side of the story.

Laughter rang through the air as Gavin fell flat on his ass, prank having gone wrong. "And that's what you get!" Michael crowed, settling back in his seat. True, what Gavin had been about to do was hilarious, but he would be lying if he didn't say he got some pleasure out of seeing it blow up in his face. He chuckled as Gavin made a face, standing back up. "What, did you actually think that was going to work?"

"I had hoped," Gavin told him sulkily, going back to his desk. Michael just kept chuckling, shaking his head as his eyes slid over to Ryan's sleeping form.

It was strange. Ryan wasn't usually such a deep sleeper. He usually didn't sleep during the day, period. But he had gotten tired and decided to take a nap. Which Michael couldn't say no to - he looked absolutely delectable like that, stretched out on the couch. Something he couldn't say aloud, but something he could fantasize about was going over to Ryan and giving him a kiss, waking him up like Sleeping Beauty. It would be so nice to do. He had always wondered what it would be like to kiss him, if Ryan would be as gentle as he thought or if he would just take control and- no, don't do that, public erections were impolite. Michael turned back to his computer, putting on his headphones and getting ready to go back to work. He needed to get as much done on this video as he could before they started recording more GTA. Michael fell into an editing trance as his mouse clicked, working quickly.

And then he felt someone poking him. Michael slipped off his headphones, looking up at Geoff. "What's up?"

"You ready to record?"

"Oh." Man, time really did fly. "Yeah. Give me a second to save this-" Well, more than a second. Fucking video files. He turned, frowning as he looked over at Ryan, still sleeping. "Wow. Ryan must really be tired."

"Oh, yeah." Geoff played with his mustache as Michael got up to go wake Ryan up. "I haven't been able to wake him up."

Michael paused at those words, looking over at Geoff. Then he looked down at Ryan, shaking him. "Hey, Ry. Time to wake up."

Nothing.

"C'mon, Ryan. Both Geoff and I have tried and don't make me have to bust out the Rage Quit voice to try and get you up."

Nothing. There was something wrong. Michael shook him harder, feeling panic rise inside him. "Ryan! Come on, wake up!"

Nothing.

No. Not just nothing.

Ryan wasn't breathing.

Michael shook him, the panic reaching his voice. "Fucking open your eyes, Ryan! Don’t you dare- don’t you even fucking dare! Wake up! Wake-” He could feel Geoff's hands on his shoulders, and he shrugged them off. "He needs to wake up! He- he's not breathing so he needs to wake up so he can start-"

He could hear a sharp "fuck!" slip from someone's lips as Geoff pulled him away, Jack taking over as he tilted his head and pinched his nose shut, leaning down to blow air into his mouth. Michael struggled a bit, his breath coming faster as he watched Jack try to breathe for Ryan, harsh sobs coming to his lips as Ryan didn't wake up. Not then, not when the ambulance arrived, not when they declared time of death.

* * *

It was a lovely funeral.

Michael didn't go.

* * *

Everyone just... expected to go back to work. After Ryan literally dying in the office, they just... Michael shook his head, trying to focus. They had a job to do. A community to entertain. They couldn't just- just leave it be. They could take time off to mourn, but they had to be back to work. It was just that- Michael tried not to look over at the desk on the far end, how empty it was now, how it didn't house anyone. He tried not to look over at the couch, at where he had gripped Ryan for the last time, shaken him, tried to get him to wake up because he couldn't be dead, he just-

Michael stood up and left, slamming the door behind him. No. He wasn't going to be in that room any longer. He couldn't do this. Not now. Ryan had been alive, then he hadn't been alive. It had been as simple as that, like flipping a switch. He had been alive. Then Michael was shaking him, trying to make him breathe again. He couldn't be in that office, not where he had tried to make Ryan breathe again. Not where the man he had just wanted to kiss, the man he had just gotten hard over stopped breathing. Michael ran a hand through his curls, letting out a long breath. No, he couldn't fucking do this.

"Hey." He turned at Geoff's voice, spine rigid. "I know how you feel," he continued, gentle. "Shit... it's hard being in that room." He placed a hand on Michael's shoulder, looking him full in the face. "I get it. You're not alone here."

Goddamn it. Michael felt tears rising to his eyes at Geoff's words, and he pushed the hand off. "Don't," he told him roughly. "I just- I can't today. I can't do this."

"You can." A lopsided smile crossed Geoff's lips as he reached up, cupping a hand around the back of Michael's head as he pressed his forehead to Michael's. "You can. You're Michael Jones. It's going to be hard, yeah. But not something alone."

Michael reached up, fingers touching Geoff's tattooed wrist. Yeah. He could do it. Geoff was right. He was Michael motherfucking Jones. Michael nodded, letting go of Geoff and taking a step back. "Yeah."

Geoff smiled at him, shaking him slightly before letting him go. "Come on. Let's get back to work."

He nodded tightly at that, following Geoff back. Yeah, he could do this. Michael walked back to the office, feeling acid rise to the back of his throat with each step. He could fucking do this. He wasn't that weak. Michael took a deep breath as he entered the room, nodding to everyone. He had to do this. As his head went around the office, his eyes caught the empty desk, then that fucking couch-

Before Michael could understand what he was doing, he strode over to the couch, fist coming out and slamming hard into the wall. The impact shivered up his arm, pain bursting across his hand as everyone just stood there, frozen in surprise. Michael lowered his hand, looking down at how his knuckles bled and swelled, then up at the dent in the wall.

"I think I need to go to the hospital," he finally announced, quietly.

* * *

Editing was an escape. He could just fall into that trance and just... not think. Michael fell into the rhythm of clicking, letting his mind empty. It was better than anything else that he could do. Better than trying to be funny or angry or even letting himself think about everything that had happened. Thankfully, his hand hadn't been broken, so it had healed fairly quickly. But after that, he just had to... stay empty. Not think about it. Not think about what had happened.

"Michael. _Mi_ cheal." And that was Gavin. As usual. Michael pulled off his headphones, but didn't turn to him. He knew what was coming next. "Michael, it’s time to eat.”

He wasn't hungry. But if he said that, he would just get more Gavin annoying him more, trying to force him to eat something. ”Let me finish this up,” he said instead, knowing what kind of look Gavin would have on his face.

“It’ll still be here when we get back, yeah?" Shit. Gavin would not give up. "Come on, boi. We need to eat something. You haven’t had Torchy’s in a month.”

Had it been a month? Michael waved a hand, not taking his eyes off the screen. “I’m almost done. You go eat. I’ll get something later.” Maybe that would make Gavin go away.

Finally, Gavin left. About time. Michael went back to work, but the click of the mouse didn't work anymore. The thoughts he tried not to have crowded in, clamoring for attention. Thoughts about how he was trying not to think about how Ryan had claimed that he was tired and went to lay down. About how he had fallen asleep and then no one could wake him. Then Michael noticed that he wasn't breathing-

Michael's arm came up to scrub at his face as his breath inhaled sharply. He couldn't cry now. He just- No, he couldn't let those tears he could feel prickling his eyes fall. Slowly, he let his arm lower, ready to go back to work. He had to get this out. He couldn't let- He had to put those thoughts back where they belonged. A slight dampness spread across his cheeks, rolling down from his eyes, and Michael let the tears fall. Just as long as they were a few. He had things to do.

* * *

Five Nights at Freddy's.

Oh yeah. Let's do this. Michael felt something that was close to excitement again as Gavin settled in next to him. "Ready?"

Gavin bounced in his seat a little. No wonder. This was the first time in a long time Michael actually... actually _asked_ Gavin to sit in with in during a video again. But... Michael smiled a little. He wanted to do this. It felt like fun. He hadn't had fun since Ryan died. And it was time he had fun again. "Oh, let me take a picture first,” Gavin suddenly said, taking Michael by surprise as he looked over, realizing Gavin had his phone out. “Moment before we get the new crap scared out of us, yeah?”

Michael snorted slightly, but let Gavin take a picture of him. He understood. Commemorate Michael actually starting to act like Michael again. Gavin took a selfie of himself and put the phone down, letting Michael know it was time to start the game.

He never felt so alive than having his heart pound by having those fucking animatronics scare the shit out of him.

* * *

"Huh."

"What's up, Gav?" Michael asked absently, looking over at him.

Gavin looked up from his phone, frowning. "Nothing. Just something... weird."

"Weird like how?" Michael leaned over as he squawked. "What are you looking at?"

It was the picture he had taken of himself before they had played the latest Five Nights at Freddy's. He had that exaggeratedly worried face, and nothing looked out of place. It- Michael's blood crystallized inside of him as he saw it. He whirled on Gavin, the crystal turning to lava as his mouth opened to let the roar out. " _YOU FUCK!_ "

Gavin flinched away as Michael snatched the phone away. Right behind Gavin, on the couch, was Ryan sitting there, looking at them. Except that couldn't be. And that- ”Do you fucking think this is funny? Do you? Look at this, you fuck! Do you fucking think this is funny?” He shoved the phone in his face, then threw it at the wall, breathing heavily. How could Gavin fucking do that? It was one thing to pull a prank, but to edit in a picture of a dead coworker so soon-

”Michael, I didn’t-” Oh, he really was going to deny it?

”Ryan is dead, you fucking asshole! Doing- it’s not fucking funny!” Michael shook with rage, feeling all the thoughts before crowding back. He couldn't- no, he could deal with this. He could deal with Gavin being a fuck.

”But I didn’t do anything!” Gavin whined as he recovered his phone, pouting as he looked at the screen. “Michael, you cracked my bloody phone!”

"Good!" Maybe he would think twice about doing that shit again. Michael shoved his headphone on, ignoring Gavin, ignoring everything from the inside out.

* * *

”I’m not staying in an office that’s bloody haunted!”

Michael toyed with his phone. The picture wasn't the first time. Lindsay had been editing a video and behind him had been Ryan again- he gnawed on his lower lip as Geoff tried to keep Gavin in the office, looking down at his phone. He had kept trying to film, trying to capture Ryan on video again. But nothing had happened. Maybe... maybe it had just been once, or he didn't always show up, but- he had to try. He looked around, then lifted his phone. “So uh...” Michael started, tapping the screen to begin the recording. “Take ten. Gavin’s still being a bitch, so uh... if you’re here, Ryan, you could tell that.” A nervous laugh bubbled out of his lips as he scanned the room. It'd be nice if he could actually see Ryan while doing this, but... shit. He would try a few more times, but he really felt like he was wasting his time. “All those pictures and videos taken and nothing. You’d think he wouldn’t be so nervous, but hey. Fucker’s a baby.” He paused on the couch. That had been when they had taken the picture where he had been, where Ryan had died. But nothing showed on the screen. He swallowed, his next words coming out on a quiver. “We miss you, Ry.” Michael stopped the recording, then looked down at the phone, his voice lowering to a whisper. “I miss you.”

His finger hovered over the screen, over the preview to watch the newly made video. He could see right now if Ryan was here.

Then he locked the phone and shoved it into his pocket.

* * *

”Take fifteen.”

”Michael, put that away.”

Michael looked over at Jack, then nodded, ending the recording. “Sorry. I just... wondered if he was here this time.”

”Ryan’s dead, Michael,” Jack told him gently. “He’s not here.”

He held his phone, knowing he had that video of Ryan coming close to him, asking him not to cry. But instead of saying anything, he ended the recording, nodding.

* * *

It was pathetic. Ryan hadn't been in any of his videos since that brief attempt at take fifteen. And now he was up in the thirties. But... he just needed to do this one more time. And he needed to say this now, when no one was around. He couldn't let anyone hear him. Hell, he wasn't sure Ryan would even hear it, since he was pretty certain Ryan wasn't even here anymore. ”Take thirty-two,” he said in a hushed voice. It was weird doing this after hours, with the office so dark like this. But it fit. He could do this now. “Probably my last one, since... yeah, you’ve probably moved on. But I just... had to say this, you know? And I couldn’t say it while you were alive, or while anyone else was around.” He took a deep breath, readying himself. “So, you know I was dating Lindsay for a while, right? And then I wasn’t, right?” It was the biggest mystery of the office. No one but Michael and Lindsay knew why. “I loved her a lot. But I wasn’t... in love with her. I realized it one day and it sucked. I thought she would hate me for it. But... she didn’t. She kind of felt the same way. She loved me a lot but we just... yeah, weren’t meant to be in love. It’s not a bad thing!" he followed up with that, as if Ryan really was there. "I mean... yeah.” Michael ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. He really was saying this. “I haven’t told anyone that.” He laughed a little, slumping in his chair. “Like I didn’t tell anyone I’m into dudes.”

Shit. He really was saying this aloud.

”Fuck, I’ve never said it aloud. I like guys. I’ve wondered what it would be like to kiss Geoff or Gavin. But fuck, not really, because I wouldn’t... because I always wondered first what it would have been like to kiss you.” Michael couldn't stop the flow of words now. They just kept flowing out. “Damn it, Ryan. Why did you have to die like that? I... never even had the chance to fucking ask you, and you- you just went and keeled over! You left us all alone like this. And now you’re haunting us all and I still can’t- this is the only thing I can do! I can only tell you I’ve had a huge crush on you and that’s all I can do!” He grit his teeth, then took a deep breath. He needed to calm down. It wasn't... it wasn't like Ryan was actually here to hear it. "So. I guess what I’m trying to say is I had a crush on you. And you’d say it’s time to move on, right? It’s been months. Pretty pathetic to hold a flame that long for someone that’s dead. So..." How could he put it? "It’s okay to go now?” Shit, like Ryan needed his permission. But... it wasn't really like that. It was more... it was okay to let go of how he felt, wasn't it.

Michael turned off the recording, suddenly feeling the day and the confession hit him. “I don’t think I can make it home,” he mumbled as he went over to the couch. He didn't want to lay down here, but... it had been where Ryan had spent his last moments. Maybe it would be like curling up in his lap. "I’m just going to... pass out on the couch here. And cry myself to sleep.”

He didn't know who he was talking to. But as he closed his eyes, he swore he could feel someone stroking his hair, a comforting touch that eased him into a dreamless sleep.


End file.
